big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize