I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
