NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
