just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
