It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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