I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
