Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
