Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
