Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
