The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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