so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
