the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
