I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
