bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
