ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
