Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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