$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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