there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
where are you?
Hypothermia
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
