You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
