Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
