how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
