she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
