just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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