You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
