I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
