I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
