You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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