Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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