Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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