Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Text me some of your sweat
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
