She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I have aggressive nipples.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
