There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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