since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
