he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
