I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
