apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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