he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We named our party play list daddy issues
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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