i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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