someone get that fucking seahorse.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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