Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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