I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize
