College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
