Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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