I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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