I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize