Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
