so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
