i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
