That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize