i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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