Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
