So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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