too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
