The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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