Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I AM VODKA MAN
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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