if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
