Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
