thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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