You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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