I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
