id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
