If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
