good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
