You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
