What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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