He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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