she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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